Articles
WHAT IT IS
The Gift That Keeps on Giving
Enter the Fox
You there. Wanna see some xtreme bike trix? How about pictures of raccoons rooting for Oklahoma, Oklahoma State or Tulsa, along with tips on how to befriend the furry critters? What else do you want? Advice on how to live life to The Max? A little help with the ladies? Quotes for living positively? All of the above? Then log on to http://www.bikerfox.com,/ the personal website for “world famous BikerFox Tulsa Phenomenom [sic] where tricks are for kids. This website is for kids 1 to 101 years of age.”
We're turning you on to this because http://www.bikerfox.com/ is quite possibly the greatest website of all time. It features 50 glamour shots of the Fox in a number of poses - in a tuxedo with a bouquet of roses, showing off his tight ass in spandex, lounging in his USSR socks, sporting his Where's Waldo? shirt, and wearing only a pair of blue jean shorts and a demented grin, to name a few.
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The Fox, we're told, can also deliver “a motivational speaking presentation like no other you have ever seen, including bike tricks and the most extreme speaker in the United States whom can actually relate to high school and college students.” And just so you're sure that you're not inviting a drugged maniac to speak to your youths, Fox includes a copy of his drug exam on the website, proving in black and white that his attitude toward cocaine, amphetamines, marijuana, opiates, PCP and methadone is “NEGATIVE.”
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You can't live life to The Max, the Fox reminds us, if you're putting chemicals into your body. “When BikerFox needs a fix, does he go down to the local bar? Light up a cigarette? Pop a pill? Eat Vitamins? Take Zoloft? Celebrex? Prozac? Remember, friends, 50 percent of the people who take placebo at the drug company's experimental labratories [sic] actually think they have sustained results from taking a sugar pill. When in essence, its [sic] all in their mind. Folks, its [sic] all in your mind. Whatever you tell yourself will come to pass no matter what. So the next time you think taking a pill is going to change your life, I guarantee you 110 percent, its [sic] all in your mind. Need a fix? EXERCISE. This will change your life like nothing else in the universe. Love BikerFox!”
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But BikerFox, when we logged onto your site, you promised us women! The Fox delivers in style: “Oh, and guys, this life is all about the girls, so if you are having trouble communicating with these cute little creatures, pick up Dr. Phil's book and do exactly what you are told, and everything will be just fine.”
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Head to http://www.bikerfox.com/ and prepare to be absolutely amazed.
Oh, Cruel World!
You, bitching about me not moving on the escalator,
Run up the stairs if you're in such a hurry, ya puke. My knee, back or hip hurts too much to take the damned stairs. That's why I'm on the friggin' escalator in the first place! You're the selfish punk-ass who expects everyone to move out of your�way. So if we're not moving fast enough for you, then by all means, rudely complain, or better yet, try to push your way through me. Just keep in mind I am still in front of you and in a great position to elbow you in the mouth for being a total dick! You say you've got life to live, so you can't wait to get to the top of the stairway ... well, I don't believe there's anything in your sad, pathetic life that's so important that it can't wait another 60 seconds. The beer will still be cold by the time you get to it, the unemployment line will still be waiting for you, and the guy banging your girlfriend will still hear you turning the key in the lock and be gone by the time you open the door, so shut the fuck up and start hoofin' it up those stairs, 'cause I ain't movin' for your stupid ass!!
